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America Is Great Again — Just Ask the Hoopleheads

America is great again. You can tell because the busted flat folks at the end of the road still have enough for beer, cigarettes, and the casino slots—but not six bucks a month for a community pool. That’s real patriotism right there.

The new pool bond came up, and it was simple: pay the price of a six-pack each month so kids can swim, families can gather, and the town can look like it belongs in the 21st century. But the Hoopleheads had other priorities. “The Three Stooges”—Otto, Bell, and Ferris—declared the old pool could be fixed with duct tape, hope, and a Trump bumper sticker.

So the Hooples, puffing five-dollar cigarettes and drinking six-dollar beer, nodded in agreement. Six dollars for the town was outrageous—but six hundred for the casino made perfect sense.

Because this is what “making America great again” looks like:

• We believe duct tape is a municipal strategy.

• We think ignorance is patriotism.

• We call facts “fake news.”

• We cheer when our towns crumble, as long as our lies stand tall.

The Stooges keep the Tea Party fires burning, feeding the faithful a steady diet of conspiracy stew and Trump-flavored Kool-Aid. They promise the past will return if we just vote “no” on the future.

And so the cycle spins on. The Hooples vote against progress, then complain that the town never improves. The same folks who wave flags and shout about freedom can’t seem to grasp that civic responsibility is what freedom costs.

So yes—America is great again. The casinos are full, the schools are broke, and the town pool is a dry hole waiting for a miracle.

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