Tea Party is rotten to the core

The Great Tea Party Eviction

So, apparently, I’ve been officially expelled from the Tea Party. Which is impressive, considering I was never actually a member. It’s like getting kicked out of the Vatican when you’ve never even been Catholic.

Here’s how it went down: Shirley Dye — local Tea Party royalty — calls me up and says, “I’ve got a letter for you.” Already shady. But fine, I meet her at the grocery store. She hands me this masterpiece of fiction. According to Shirley & Friends™, I’m persona non grata in their club.

Naturally, they couldn’t keep the fun to themselves. They read the letter out loud at their meeting like it was the Dead Sea Scrolls of MAGA righteousness. And then, for extra spice, they broadcast it on their favorite noise machine: KMOG, our very own MAGA Radio.

Now here’s the kicker: when Shirley gave me the letter, I said, “Great! Let me come to your meeting, stand on stage, and answer questions about all this nonsense.” You’d think they’d jump at the chance to grill me, right? Wrong. That door slammed shut faster than Trump dodging a subpoena.

Because let’s be honest — the Tea Party isn’t allergic to lies. Lies are their multivitamin. Truth, on the other hand? That’s like sunlight to a vampire. They’re not letting it anywhere near their clubhouse.